Cucumber, Chive, Champagne
i got married but DON'T worry, i'm back now
I’m back! I’m back! I’m back with a cucumber and parsley salad and a song in my heart to be home and powered up and human again.
I’m here, I’m a person again, I’m writing again: I have had a new laptop for all of, oh, sixteen minutes, and nothing is set up properly (apparently when the hard drive gets as wetly fried as mine— see wet letters passim— you have to take it to the Apple Store to get everything off it?), and the insurance money is not yet in but I had to buy a replacement anyway, so I am church-mouse poor, but I have a laptop in my hands and I feel restored unto myself. I am back! I am writing! The joy, the relief. I don’t know who I am when I’m not writing and I can’t write without a laptop; not properly. (I do write longhand in a notebook but it’s not sustainable with the sheer quantity I like to write. Also, harder to write to people longhand. Harder to write a Substack in a notebook, although it does make me kind of want to start a zine club.)
Incidentally, I am also back from my wedding, which was pretty unbelievable, and after which I did not sleep really for four full days (too wired! too intense! six hours total sleep over those four days!) and then, when we got to our honeymoon destination (small Derbyshire village), slept for approximately fourteen straight hours. Then I went for breakfast, took a long bath, fell asleep in the bath, got out of the bath, took a nap, and woke up and it was dinner time. And then I did basically that, with two pauses to swim in the river, for three more days. And here I am. And I am alive again. And I am me again! It was like magic, my wedding day: strange and beautiful and electric, birds on fire with wonder.
